Engrish

Ever wonder where the Emperor^[*] gets his new clothes? Yes - from Nudie Clothing in Sapporo, where they specialize in garments so light you can hardly tell you're wearing them.

^[*] The apocryphal emperor from the story, not the Japanese one!

Dear Product Packaging Designers of Japan!

According to my Oxford English Dictionary, "sand" is:

a loose granular substance resulting from the wearing down of esp. siliceous rocks and found on the seashore, river-beds, deserts, etc.

Sand is never found in bakery products (unless it is a particularly windy day at a badly-run beach-side bakery). In fact, seeing this custard whip creation labelled "pie sand" would cause most native English speakers to avoid buying it, and very probably gives the impression that Japanese people put very strange ingredients in their pastries. By the same token, "chicken sand" sounds like something you'd spread around the coop to absorb avian waste products.

In case you weren't aware, the word "sandwich" does not derive etymologically from the word "sand". Sandwich was in fact the name of their reputed inventor, the 4th Earl of Sandwich (known as "John Montagu" to his friends). To be honest I'm not quite sure where that name itself derives from, but there is a town called Sandwich in the English county of Kent. "-wich" is a common place name suffix denoting a settlement with brine springs or salt sources, and as Sandwich used to be on the coast, presumably there was a lot of sand about.

Well, after having researched all that I'm off for a nice refreshing spam sand.

A random find which came to light when clearing out some old files. Engrish of the meaningless phrases school of package decoration, found on the cardboard packaging of a tissue brand called "Palnap".

What feeling do you need the best in your lifestyle? Trendy feeling, natural feeling - and traditional feeling. We'll lead a tasteful life to find your personal style. Mild and tenderness are basic of our living life.

Note that these inspiring words have no connection with the Japanese text beneath, which is a much more prosaic description of the tissue's absorbent qualities etc.

(More Engrish can be found in our delightful Engrish section.)

I have passed this shop in Harajuku many times, but have never dared climb those stairs.

More adventurous souls with a thing for saucy Parisienne canines might like to try their luck on the store's website.

In Japan, pencils occur naturally in the country's waterways and if you're in need of a 100% natural, eco-friendly writing instrument it's just a matter of baiting up a hook with some pencil bait and casting your line into the nearest free-flowing stream. Tip: the further downriver you go, the softer the cores become, and in Tokyo Bay itself you'll have good chances of catching anything up to about a 6B.

Links to other sites with collections of Engrish:

• engrish.com - the original!
• Deutschland über Elvis
• Mottekaero jDonuts
• My So-Called Japanese Life

"Extension" is admittedly a little tricky to spell. Fortunately a bloke called Samuel Johnson came up with a thing called a "dictionary", a book which contains the definitive spellings of various words. As in Kokura, Tokyo's business sign makers really need to be made aware of this nifty invention.