Important Advice for US Citizens

Well, it's happened. The Eye-Ranians finally have the Bomb (or so they say, if I was an oil-rich country surrounded on all sides by nations with significant deployments of US forces, I'm sure I would too. Disclaimer: this is not an endorsement of the Eye-Ranians government and their policies, and let the records show I consider the current Eye-Ranian President almost as dangerous to my security as I do George W. Bush).

If you are an American citizen, you probably need to be even more afraid than you are now, especially if you've neglected to check up on your stocks of duct tape.

I took the liberty of investigating the website of your "Department of Homeland Security" and found this essential information regarding the coming terrorist threat.

The Eye-Ranian bomb will hit just north of Main St. / Broadway. If you are located just to the north of the blast, a large orange arrow painted on the street will guide you away from the general direction of Eye-Ran. If not, it is essential to walk towards a building with a door somewhat smaller than yourself. If you find a large red arrow on the way, it is essential to pick it up and take it with you, helping to confuse the terrorists.

If you are able to make a successful evacuation from the area of the blast, bear in mind the risk of biological, chemical, conventional bombs and natural disasters which may hinder your progress. Plan ahead for these possibilities, and ensure you and your family know the whereabouts of the nearest cache of duct tape.