Saturday, October 31, 2009 1:30 AM
Blow, not suck
CITIZENS OF JAPAN, AN APPEAL
Dear residents of this fine archipelago,
You may have noticed that the colder season is drawing upon us, as it does every year. You may also have become aware of a certain tendency, from time to time, for your nasal passages to be occupied by a mucus-like substance, often in association with a cough and repeated sneezing events.
Fear not, Japan and the Japanese people are not alone with this affliction, particularly in these times of porcine influenza. However, we from gaikoku have an important potentially lifestyle-changing tip we'd like to share with you:
CONTINUOUSLY SNORTING IT BACK UP AIN'T GOING TO DO SOD ALL TO CLEAR YOUR PASSAGES
Now, we understand the barbaric practice of having a good blow into a hanky Is Just Not The Done Thing around here, and when you think about it, it is quite revolting, especially when you see someone put the sodden tissue into their sleeve for later retrieval.
On the other hand this outstanding nation is blessed by a wide range of freely available public conveniences where we would like to suggest that you can - in relative privacy - evacuate the unwanted contents of your respiratory system into e.g. some of the paper tissues distributed free of charge in copious amounts on busy streets.
The person sitting next to you trying to resist the urge to strangle you with your cheap polyester tie.